Judge Covid decides: Getting drinks with friends

Judge Covid, may I have a drink with friends?
DEADLY

How about outside?
DANGEROUS

By myself?
I’LL ALLOW IT

With family?
IMMEDIATE FAMILY ONLY

OK, thank —
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND
YOU MAY HAVE A DRINK WITH FRIENDS, BUT NO MORE THAN 10

Oh, thank you, your Horror, I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed our local bar—
BARS ARE UNSAFE

Local restaurant?
TOO RISKY

Where?
ESSENTIAL BUSINESSES ONLY

What does that mean?
READ THE PDF OR THE FAQ FOR THE PDF

I don’t understa—
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND

Oh.
YOU MAY HAVE A DRINK WITH FRIENDS, BUT NO MORE THAN 25

OK, but—
HALF A RESTAURANT IS NOW SAFE

What?
NO MORE THAN 50% SEATING

But that’s just sil — I mean, yes, your Horror. What about half a bar?
BARS ARE UNSAFE
HALF A RESTAURANT BAR IS SAFE

Really? What about taproom bars?
DANGEROUS

Wait, why? What about grocery store bars?
GROCERY STORES ARE ESSENTIAL

Yes, I know, but
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND

This again.
HALF A TAPROOM BAR IS SAFE

Great, so restaurants, gro—
HALF

Fine, so half restaurants, half restaurant bars, half grocery store bars, half taproom bars, are safe. What about half bars?
BARS ARE UNSAFE

That doesn’t make any sense, how come bars—
DO YOU WANT TO BE FOUND IN CONTEMPT OF COVID COURT

No, no, your Horror. I can get a drink outside with friends, though, yes?

Er, with social distancing, of course?
OUTSIDE IS SAFE WITH SOCIAL DISTANCE

Can it be outside tables belonging to a restaurant?
HALF A RESTAURANT OUTSIDE IS SAFE WITH SOCIAL DISTANCE

Great! Now, can I get a drink outside with friends, with social distance, served by half a bar with outside seating?
BARS ARE UNSAFE

This is not going to work out.
YOU CANNOT WORK OUT
GYMS ARE UNSAFE

See other Judge Covid rulings here.

Jon Sanders / Director of Regulatory Studies

Jon Sanders studies regulatory policy, a veritable kudzu of invasive government and unintended consequences. As director of regulatory studies at the John Locke Foundation, Jo...

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