Starbucks Coffee is really into the corporate gifting scene, as you know. In a current exploit, which you probably don’t know about because only people on welfare can afford to go to Starbucks these days, the coffee company wants you to help create jobs by making a donation to Opportunity Finance Network, an organization that loans money to capital-access-challenged companies that employ the low-income, food-insecure. In a deal that sounds like OFA, Fannie & Freddie, and Solyndra all rolled into one, generous contributions will be rewarded with a wristband that looks like a Scunci ponytail holder.

Here’s a description directed to the 99%:

To recognize support for the program, donors who contribute $5 or more will receive a red, white, and blue wristband with the message “Indivisible.” [Is this supposed to be some kind of post-theist message?] Donations will be accepted at Starbucks company-operated stores or online at createjobsforUSA.org starting on November 1. Donations will go to the Create Jobs for USA Fund at OFN and will be awarded to select community development financial institutions (CDFIs) to help finance community businesses that help create and sustain local jobs.

And here’s one that leans a little more toward the 1%:

OFN represents a nationwide network of 180 Community Development Financial Institutions (CDFIs) set up to provide financing to community businesses in underserved markets where accessing credit through traditional lending institutions is challenging or not available. The Create Jobs for USA Fund at OFN will be seeded with a $5 million contribution from the Starbucks Foundation.

Like getting warmed twice for chopping wood; donating to the fund creates jobs for those who painstakingly manufacture and market the coveted wristbands (If they are in step with the times, the facilities will employ a perky HR department with wellness initiatives, management with visioning retreats, an OSHA boy, a union leader, etc.) and the bureaucrats who administer the funds for companies that otherwise couldn’t turn a profit.