In an unfortunate synchronicity, Asheville city government was, prompted by citizen inquiry, compiling a report on traffic safety as the same week the city experienced its sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth homicides of the year. Hundreds of persons were caught driving with their licenses revoked, while hundreds more were caught without a seatbelt or, worse, with expired inspection stickers. Police Chief Bill Hogan boasted the results were probably attributable to the creation of a Traffic Safety Unit.

The city recently hosted a gun buyback. This prompted the mayor to inquire, “Were the last two shootings committed with hand guns or shot guns? If there were committed with hand guns, some reconsideration should be given to the amount designated for the guns through Gun-Buy back program. Additionally, the amount should be drastically increased in order to achieve the desired outcome of getting illegal guns off the street.”

All is not madness. The police department managed to pull it all together by issuing a press release about a hit-and-run accident involving four vehicles, none of which belonged to the perpetrator, who remains at large. No deaths were sustained, but an estimated $50,000 in property damage resulted.