Welcome to Western North Carolina, renowned for its resplendent natural beauty. Our people are largely rugged individualists who managed to hold on to their Second Amendment rights. For the most part, they stay staked out in the boondocks. It isn’t unusual out here for a sheriff to build up a dynasty, but the people don’t mind as long as the power structure lets them be.

In the middle of it all is Asheville, a cosmopolitan mecca for the dupes and fellow travelers we were warned about during the Cold War. Trust babies with nothing better to do than smoke pot and read folklore about Che Guevera flock to Asheville to become politically active. New Agers will tell you they were sucked into the city by a vortex. It is this very vortex which could be responsible for the popular belief that Asheville can sustain its eclectic culture and natural environment exclusively with demand-side economics.

To the horror of folks in the county, a majority of Progressives were seated on the last city council. With mounds of case studies of failed economies before them, this council is convinced they will be the group to make socialism succeed. A large homeless population is wise to this fallacy and taking advantage of it.

But council is more concerned about trees’ rights than peoples’ rights. Low-income children can acculturate to crime and slummy conditions; trees, however, must be protected from developers by tree-save areas. Silting the habitat of a rare salamander will not be tolerated. Saving Asheville from global warming by making more greenways is a top priority.

More importantly, the Progressive element on council has found they can create a demand for higher taxes by making unconstitutional decisions that will get them hauled into court. It is not unusual for this council to spring items on the agenda without proper public notice, ask to reconsider votes recently taken, or try to impose retroactively pending decisions. After all, in Asheville, it is not the role of government to protect liberty. It is the role of government to synergize a diverse, third-world economy.