I’m no fan of state lotteries; they’re just plain inefficient (as I’ve shown, there are better ways for the state to exploit people and for people to simulate the lottery experience in the comfort of their own homes). But I learned yesterday from the Locker Room that the NC “Education” Lottery was selling tickets with holiday themes. Yesterday being Halloween, I could just hear Boris Pickett’s voice singing …
The Monster Match (& Win!)
By Mike “Easily” Pickthree
I was working in the mart late one night
When my eyes beheld an ugly blight:
It’s a new game from the state to “save the schools”
And suddenly, in came some fools …They did the Match
They did the Monster Match!
The Monster Match
It was a gas-mart smash!
They did the Match
It caught on in a flash!
They did the Match
They did the Monster Match!From my convenience store on the highway east
To the legislature where the vampires feast
The fools all came to raid my candy bins
And try their luck at the new “Match and Win.”They did the Match
They did the Monster Match!
The Monster Match
It was a gas-mart smash!
They did the Match
It caught on in a flash!
They did the Match
They did the Monster Match!The dummies were having fun;
The party had just begun;
The dupes included Homeless Guy,
Welfare Mom and her son.The mart was rockin’, it was crammed with the poor —
Instant-cash dreams, lazy, just wanting more —
Addicted gamblers were the next to fall prey
To the state’s “quick fix,” losing all of their pay.They played the Match
They played the Monster Match!
The Monster Match
It gobbled all their cash!
They played the Match
Now the state’s got a stash!
They played the Match
They played the Monster Match!Out from the backrooms, Drac’s voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing:
The poor ed lobbyist shook his fist
And said, “Whatever happened to my Senator Arm-Twist?”It’s now the Match!
It’s now the Monster Match!
The Monster Match
And it’s a gas-mart smash!
It’s now the Match!
It’ll build quite a stash!
It’s now the Match!
It’s now the Monster Match!Now everything’s cool, Drac’s in on the scam
And the Monster Match is the hit of the land
For you, the working, this Match was meant too —
If you blow all your dough, tell them Mikey sent you!Just do the Match!
Just do the Monster Match!
The Monster Match
And blow your hard-earned cash!
Just do the Match!
We can’t wait for the stash!
Just do the Match!
Just do the Monster Match!
