N&O editorial reads like crappy political novel

I decided to have a little fun with the pathetic News & Observer editorial on the recent teacher tenure decision:

Plot: Evil legislators hatch plan to exact revenge on political opponents…by passing legislation that their opponents do not like!  (Don’t worry, the whole “legislative process” subplot is not mentioned.)

Chapter 1: Evil Republicans wink at each other as they conduct a “deceptive campaign against public school teachers,” even though the editorial says that their political enemies are the N.C. Association of Educators. Wow, these Republicans hate everyone!  Then again, evil people usually do.

Chapter 2: How is the plot developed in this chapter?  It isn’t.  Fortunately, pulp-fiction inspired phrases “cooked up a bitter brew” and “lure teachers into a devil’s bargain” spice it up.  Those Republicans sure are evil!

Chapter 3: Obligatory mention that “state’s average teacher pay ranks 46th nationally,” which has little to do with the plot.  Then again, there is not much of a plot anyway.  There are, however, evil Republicans.

Chapter 4: “Tenure is not what Republicans say it is, and the so-called rewards program for top teachers is not what they say it is.” Not only are Republicans evil, they are liars too!  Geez, how evil can they get?

Chapter 5: A judge saves the day! But those evil Republicans are lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce in their enemies like tigers hunting in the night.  Sequel forthcoming.

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