You would think the President of the United States would have ways of getting his message out, such as being the President of the United States. But to register people for the new health care exchanges, Obama has asked for help from the media and celebrities; Katy Perry, Kerry Washington, Lady Gaga, Amy Poehler, Magic Johnson and the comedy site Funny or Die have all signed on to complement his innovative marketing strategy of getting attention by creating a website that doesn’t work.
I decided to pre-emptively call the White House and volunteer my services. I did this not because I support Obamacare, which I do not understand, largely because every time I read about it I get really bored. No, I did it because I still believe that when the President asks for your service, or is definitely going to ask for it soon, you give it. Plus, I wanted to get on the good side of the people reading my texts and e-mails.
David Simas, the White House deputy senior adviser for communications and strategy, started our conversation by saying, “Thank you so much for that offer,” which is what people say right before they turn me down. But the White House is so desperate that Simas actually meant it. He asked me not to bother reaching out to old or sick people, which–to be honest–was fine with me. Those people were already signing up. He needed 18-to-34-year-old males, a demographic technically called bros. Bros balance the risk pool, thereby keeping everyone’s rates low, since bros rarely see the doctor because they’re protected from ever encountering other people’s germs by their Axe body spray.
My mission was clear: find a bro and harass him until he got health insurance.
Follow the story link to learn why Stein believes he might need to recruit some Victoria’s Secret models to seal the deal on his first attempt at Obamacare recruitment.