Everybody loves those little curly-fry lightbulbs that fade upholstery and artwork and, some allege, contribute to skin cancer. Drawing down fewer kilowatt-hours, they provide the same number of lumens as incandescents, and they last ten times longer. But, as you know, they contain mercury vapor, which necessitates evacuation of premises for five to ten minutes should one break. Landfilling the little beasties could cause mercury to leak into the water system to mess with the fishies and any humans who might eat them; but to date it is only illegal for businesses to waste their bulbs.

To help the green lights become green again, Macon County shall soon start a program. County employees will pick up the bulbs, perhaps on foot, on bicycles, or in cars that run on electricity not supplied by coal-burning plants. They will then presumably use the same modes of transport to get the poisonous monstrosities across the state line for “processing.” Until then, residents can take the bulbs to Lowe’s, take them to Johnson City or Asheville – on their bikes, of course – or “take heavy duty trash bags, break them into little bits and bring them back” to Macon County’s solid waste facility, where something magic will happen to green the mercury.